Introduction
Life has a way of nudging us to pause, to take a step back, and to reassess our paths. Whether it’s a planned hiatus or an unexpected break, these moments can bring a whirlwind of emotions and challenges. Recently, I found myself amid such a pause, grappling with small mental health drawbacks, struggling with consistent journaling, navigating job updates, and feeling the flutter of anticipation for upcoming travels. Here’s a reflection on this journey and what it has taught me about self-esteem and personal growth.
The Hiatus and Mental Health
Taking a hiatus, whether from work, hobbies, or social engagements, often comes with mixed feelings. On one hand, it’s an opportunity to recharge and gain perspective. On the other hand, it can also stir up feelings of guilt, anxiety, and self-doubt. During my recent break, I faced significant mental health challenges. The pressure to be productive and the fear of falling behind were constant companions. However, this time away also allowed me to confront these issues head-on. I sought counseling, practiced mindfulness, and permitted myself to rest. It wasn’t easy, but acknowledging and addressing these mental health drawbacks was a crucial step towards healing.
Psychologists and therapists around have stated mental health varies between demographics. For some individuals low-self esteem can be displayed through overproductivity, while others it can be an expression and exertion of happiness and humor. The juxtaposition between the two are often congratulated and uplifted to the untrained eye. However, I’ve recognized in myself, as well as my peers, that being a black woman our self-worth and value is rooted in productivity.
The amount of pressure I placed, and sometimes still compartmentalize in my life, creates silent, reserved chaos in my life to the point where I don’t (and won’t) ask for help. Asking for help feels like a dagger through the heart followed by my brain saying “You should know this at your age”. The mind is a terrible thing to waste but investing time into negative thinking is detrimental to our purpose and growth.
The Struggle with Journaling Consistently
Journaling has always been my go-to method for processing thoughts and emotions. Yet, during this hiatus, I found it increasingly difficult to maintain a consistent journaling habit. The blank pages often felt like a daunting reflection of my scattered mind. I realized that the pressure to write daily was counterproductive. Instead, I began to embrace a more flexible approach. I wrote when I felt the need to, without the self-imposed obligation. This shift helped me view journaling as a supportive tool rather than a task to check off a list.
My approach to journaling has always been a combination of calligraphy, scrapbooking, photography, and a plethora of art mediums that provide various textures, designs, and creativity I didn’t know I could accomplish!
Navigating Job Updates
Career developments during a hiatus can be both exciting and stressful. Amidst my break, I received updates about new opportunities and changes at work. Balancing the desire to stay informed with the need for rest was challenging. I learned to set boundaries, checking emails and updates at designated times instead of constantly staying plugged in. This helped me stay connected without overwhelming myself. The key was finding a balance that allowed me to honor my need for rest while staying prepared for future transitions.
Amongst other things, I have learned to implement methods to accomplish goals at work and even strive for more challenging, out of my element opportunities to grow as an accountant. I can’t say much at the moment BUT sometime in the new year I’ll explain once everything is set in stone *fingers crossed and prayer hands clapsed together*.
The Anticipation of Traveling
Travel has always been a source of inspiration and renewal for me. As I look forward to upcoming trips, I feel a mix of excitement and anxiety. The anticipation of exploring new places and cultures is invigorating, yet the logistics and uncertainties can be daunting. I remind myself that travel, much like life, is unpredictable. Embracing flexibility and focusing on the experiences rather than the perfection of plans helps ease the anxiety. Travel becomes a metaphor for personal growth, reminding me that it’s okay to step into the unknown and learn along the way.
Self-Esteem and Personal Growth
Throughout this hiatus, my self-esteem has been on a rollercoaster. Moments of self-doubt and insecurity were frequent, but so were instances of self-discovery and empowerment. I realized that self-esteem isn’t a static state but a dynamic journey. It’s shaped by how we navigate challenges, how we treat ourselves during difficult times, and how we celebrate small victories. By facing mental health struggles, adapting my journaling habits, managing job updates, and embracing the excitement of travel, I found new strengths within myself.
Then of course there’s the usual retail therapy of buying things as a “smol” treat to ourselves for whatever viable reason that influences us to either checkout now or through Afterpay.
Conclusion
Hiatuses, whether voluntary or imposed, are powerful opportunities for reflection and growth. They allow us to confront our mental health, adapt our routines, navigate career changes, and anticipate new adventures. While the journey is often fraught with challenges, it’s also rich with lessons that enhance our self-esteem and personal growth. Embracing the pause, with all its ups and downs, can lead to profound transformations. As I continue on this path, I’m learning to trust the process and honor the journey, one step at a time.
